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I used to think I was born as a superhero, invincible, strong, and with a shield to withstand  any pain, disease or heartache. Up until I receive my wake up call.

My wake up call included several trips to hospitals and emergency rooms and part of me wished it was a nightmare waiting to end but it wasn’t. It was real, painful and scary.

“I didn’t like what I saw in your cervix. You’ve lost too much blood. And you’re results is not good.” My gynecologist told us the day after my D & C procedure last week. She told us we have to wait for my biopsy results within the next 4 weeks but she suspects its leading to cervical cancer. She also explained time is much of the essence and that we can no longer wait long for a hysterectomy to take place.

Hysterectomy – a life changing operation to remove my cervix, my uterus and wherever cancer decided to reside in. I imagined my cervix is probably a queen size soft bed that the cancer cells decided its best for them to mate and multiply from there. From that perspective, yes I would like to just get it out and be taken away permanently.  Prior to D&C, my pap smear tests showed an inflammed cervix, abnormal squamous cells and presence of Koliocytes – indicators that my journey to cervical cancer has begun. To top it off, I had profuse bleeding for 33 days.

I wish I had listened to my first wake up call 7 years ago when my then OB Gynecologist told me I had cancer cells in there. I didn’t realize that when your body calls and you miss it, it will keep calling you back until you are sick enough to listen to it.

But my regrets is not going to bring me anywhere now. My battle with the big C begins and I’m at a point of no return.

My mindset is set to fight until the very end, my faith has become stronger and I draw strength from God knowing that He will never leave my side during this entire journey. Everyday, I look at my children’s eyes and give each of them a hug and a kiss knowing that a small possibility of me not making it out of the operating room is still there. Everyday, I am thankful for new strength and new opportunity to spend time, laugh with them, play with them while I still am able to do so.

This entire experience taught me life is precious and that every moment counts. I want to fight till the very end so that I can fulfill my purpose of being a wife and a mother to Mark, Mikee, JM and MJ. I will physically endure whatever pain I am about to face knowing I would have another chance of spending time with my aging parents. I want to survive because I don’t want my parents to experience the pain of burying their only child. I want to live longer because I would want Mark to have someone to tell him its okay to have white hair or wrinkly face. I want to live long enough to witness my children’s graduation, first heart ache and weddings. I want to live long enough to meet our grandchildren and explain to them my legacy of adopting and giving birth by heart.

I envision my life after hysterectomy as a pain free life. I want to live my life without chains of pain hindering me from fulfilling my purpose.

How you can help:

It took me a week of deep thinking before I had the courage to write up this post. You may have heard from me before asking for help during Super Typhoon Haiyan for our team and for our community or even during Typhoon Frank. But this time asking help feels different because this time its for me.

I would like to ask for your prayers and positive thoughts. I am a strong believer in the power of prayers and I know God listens. Include our entire family in your prayers particularly for strength, unity and provision. Pray for Mark so that he will have enough strength to be by my side during this difficult journey. Pray for the kids to have an understanding and strength to see their Mama go through pain. Can you please ask God if He can re-schedule our in person meeting probably 25 to 30 years from now cause I am not yet done with my to do list?

And lastly I would like to seek for financial help. Even the smallest donation to help fund my surgery will be very much appreciated. Being a work at home mom, I don’t have the same medical benefits of a working mom. Most of us WAHMs know that whenever situations like these arise, we rely solely on our own income and finances. I wish I have enough savings to cover for this but there isn’t any left.

I am fortunate to have friends who extended help like Jurgen and Margot Looman and the rest of the Project Panay volunteers who helped out during my first 2 hospitalizations. I will be forever grateful for them.

When I get through this, and when all this is over, I will work very hard so that someday, somehow I will be able to pay it forward and give back.

I will draw strength from all of you knowing that once in my life, friends, families and people like you have extended blessings that added days, months and years into my life.

Please pass my story to friends whom you know can help.

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With lots of love,

Ella

 

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